our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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