A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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