I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
