life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
