Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
