If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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