Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
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