as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
