nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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