I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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