do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
