So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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