My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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