ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
