4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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