Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
