she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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