remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he wants to bone in the snuggie
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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