I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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