She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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