I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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