I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you win again, gameday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize