Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Boobs are out for the taking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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