Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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