eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize