I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
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Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
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When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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