He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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