Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
