420 ftw
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
