we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
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I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
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Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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