The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
