1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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