Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
