The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
