Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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