chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
