so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
