That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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