Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
