so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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