I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
