I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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