I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
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Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
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Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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