I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Welp...herpes.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
