so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I faked an abortion last night.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
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No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
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The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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