Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
