I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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