i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
