Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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