Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
