And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
