guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
