Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
