Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
