CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
