oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.