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Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Randomize
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