why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.