If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now