Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea