Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
