How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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