I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
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You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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