no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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