Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
