I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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