woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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