Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
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I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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