Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I have fence marks all over my body
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