I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
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I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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