Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
